What your Cape Town suburb really says about you

Cape Town is notoriously cliquey, and many semigrators moving to the Mother City have noted how difficult it can be to fit in and find friends. Home to an eclectic collection of characters, Cape Town is a place where everyone can find their tribe. If you just know where to look.

But no matter where you’re from in Cape Town, there is something that we all share: a love of the Mother City (or locally known as ‘the best city in the world’).

After gathering local insights from Capetonians across the city, here are the famous (and everyone’s favourite) stereotypes from some of Cape Town’s suburbs.

When you’re done reading, go and find your tribe (and own it).

The Durbanville Braaimaster

If you drive through Durbanville with the windows down on a Sunday, you’ll be suffocated by the braai smoke wafting from every stoep. Having mastered the art of braaiing, the Durbanvillians have their braai tongs ready for the Checkers Championship Boerewors Competition.

When you’re not thinking about braaiing, you’re thinking about rugby. And you have a keen knowledge of high school rugby, especially. You basically know the next Springbok team for the coming decade. This includes you, Mom. Even if you think it will be your boy up there (we’re rooting for you).

This also means that your children will likely have their school friends for life. Not a bad start if you ask us.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Hoërskool Durbanville (@hoerskool_durbanville)

And, with the Woolworths Food Emporium that recently opened in the Village Square, Durbanville moms are definitely catching up to Constantia moms on their levels of boujee.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by News24 Food (@news24food)

Also applies to: Somerset West, Bellville

The Sea Point Influencer

Local and international influencers are drawn to Sea Point like moths to a flame. So much so that an unofficial clause on any Sea Point apartment lease (R20k for 0.5 bedrooms) is that you must have at least 5,000 followers on Instagram. The breathtaking sunset views alone can land you the brand deal you’ve been waiting for. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Kylin Mouton (@kylin_mouton)

Living in Sea Point also means spending your days drinking over-priced matcha, wearing burnt clothes 24/7, and café-hopping to film your video content for the week. If you’re not creating content for your personal brand, you’re either the founder of a tech start-up or have launched your own activewear clothing line.

Every day starts and ends with a run on the prom and a dip in Saunders rock pool (yes, it’s as amazing as it sounds). And, you can take your pick of the 100+ running clubs, which have become the modern-day dating apps. I mean, networking opportunities.

Also applies to: Greenpoint, Clifton, Camps Bay

The Constantia Mom

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Cassidy Nicholson (@agirlnamedcassidy)

Tuesday. 11:00 am. Chardonnay Deli. This is where you’ll find the unofficial gathering of Constantia moms, dressed in their uniform of activewear. The hottest tea of the week is spilt over cups of cappuccinos and secret slices of cheesecake (which are ‘to die for’).

Constantia Village is the true hive of Constantia mom life. This is where they do their yoga, get their weekly mani and pedis, and of course, enter the heaven on earth—Woolies. Stocking up on their Natural Spring Water Ice from the Drakensberg Mountains, pre-cooked meals, and R250 Dubai Chocolate, Constantia moms are buying whatever Woolies is selling. Anything missed at the weekly shop is easily picked up at the local Wengen (Woolworths Engen).

Constantia moms’ favourite activities include taking their “children” for walks (i.e., their CBD-medicated pups), morning swims in Kalk Bay, and ending each day looking over their luscious acre property with a pool and tennis court while sipping a glass of rosé.

Hate all you want, but “I wanna be a Constantia Mommy”—que the Simba chippie song.

Also applies to: Bishopscourts, Newlands

The Woodstock Hipster

If you’re walking the streets of Woodstock, the mandatory uniform is Doc Martins, a pashmina scarf, and layers… lots of layers. And if you’re stopped and asked where you bought your clothes, the only correct answer is: “I thrifted it”.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Thrift Fest (@thriftfest)

If you’re not jamming in your own band at Trenchtown, you spend your evening performing open mic slam poetry. After which, you and your friends gather at your favourite craft brewery, which is a competition between Devil’s Peak Brewing Company, Woodstock Tap & Grill, and the Brewer’s Co-Op.

The weekends are spent perusing thrift stores, sifting through second-hand records (even though you don’t own a record player), and wistfully reading your book in Sonder café. 

Also applies to: Observatory, Gardens, Oranjezicht

The Kommetjie Surfer

Over the mountain and into the valley, you’ll find the sleepy suburb of Kommetjie, where time moves at 0.5 speed. From the early hours of the morning, the dawn patrol is out, surfers at the ready to catch some waves. Afterwards, an Imhoff’s Farm coffee or Faith Juice cleanse at the Noordehoek Farm Village is mandatory.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by FaithJuiceBar (@faithjuice)

Behind what is known as the lentil curtain, meat is scarce in Kommetije. You’re entering the home of the vegans. Bohemian clothing flows freely, and crystals crowd every surface. Growing up in Kommetjie, you spent your childhood running around barefoot through the dirt and sand. And you were almost certainly homeschooled at some point in your life. 

Everyone knows everyone (and their business). And once you’re in the valley, you never leave. Except once a year, when the suburb is deserted as residents swap the beach sand for the desert dirt and set off for Africa Burn. 

Also applies to: Muizenburg, Scarborough, Noordehoek

Stereotypes aside, we’re all in this together

Though as Capetonians we like to tease each other for each neighbourhood’s eccentricities, ultimately, it’s our diversity that makes our city so special. But at the end of the day, we all come together as one. From the Northern Suburbs to the Deep South, there’s a unique experience of living in and around Cape Town that we all share. 

Whether it’s complaining about tourists and digital nomads ruining Dezemba and inflating property prices or flooding Greenpoint stadium when the Springboks are playing—Capetonians, both born and naturalised, know when to come together when it matters. Plus, we have a great sense of humour (if we have to say so ourselves).